The Inverse Way to Finding What You Want

What do you want (in life)?

Self-help books ask us this question all the time.

It is usually the starting point of every goal-setting session.

But this question actually assumes we already know what we want.

What if we don’t?

Actually, this is usually the case.

Hence, we need to answer a preceding question first.

What is that question?

How do you find out what you want?

Simply asking the question as to “what” is probably not enough.

Listening to a podcast between Jordan Peterson and No-BS-SelfHelp-Guru Mark Manson, I stumbled upon the concept of The Inverse Way to Finding What You Want.

You might have dozens of ideas as to what you want.

Most of these things — spoiler alert — you actually don’t really want.

Or at least not enough.

And you often only find out when you are close to achieving them.

Is there a better way to finding out what we want — before we invest months and years to get it?

YES.

BY TURNING THINGS UPSIDE DOWN.

You take the thing you say you want…and you ask yourself what problems you have to overcome to get there.

What are the problems associated with this goal?

What does the goal demand you do?

What sacrifices does the goal demand of you?

Then you write them down.

Look at them closely.

Are you willing to have these problems in your life?

Are you willing to make these sacrifices?

You know which goal(s) you really want by determining what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve it.

The sacrifices you are really willing to make are a guidepost to the things you actually really want.

Why? Because they reveal your values.

Want to become a CEO?

Well, are you willing to put in 70–80 hour work weeks?

Want to become an entrepreneur?

Well, are you willing to put in 70–80 hour work weeks without guarantee of success?

If you are willing to pay the price, then you know you really want it.

Hence, the question is not:

“What do you (really) want?”

BUT

“What are the problems that you want in your life?”

“What are the costs that I am okay with?”

“What problems are you ready to deal with and suffer from?”

“What (kind of) suffering are you willing to endure?”

“How much pain are you willing to tolerate…and be okay with it?!”

The answer(s) to these questions will reveal what you are going to be successful at and how you are different from other people.

In the words of Jordan Peterson

“You can tell what you want
by observing
what you are willing to sacrifice for it.”

You know what you want to have in your future if you are willing to sacrifice in the present to realize that future.

Don’t just focus on what you want. Face and focus on the problems that these achievements will bring to your life.

Are you willing to deal with them? Are you willing to pay that price?

Great.

Then go ahead and move towards it.